I received this email from another anonymous source:
HBN Live…
Hillel Breaking News…brought to you by H-SPA: Hillel’s Silent Parent Association – “When we have something to say, we don’t”
Three Hillel “beloved” teachers were reportedly offered their jobs back. Few others were not so lucky. HBN has learned that some of the reasons for their termination may have included: computer glitches, Chaye Kohl’s errors (she now took a “leave of absence”) and a criterion that was previously not computed called: “popularity and connections among alumni.” The above three teachers reportedly worked very hard to make this last criterion count, although they now claim that “We do not condone negative comments that reflect adversely upon the reputation of the school or its mission.” Now that they have their jobs back they should be congratulated for their collegiality and camaraderie.
The Board and administration expressed “deep regrets” for these procedures and for causing such pain to the fans. Top leaders said that they now “see the light”, meaning that Camp Hillel cannot be easily swayed and will continue alive and well.
Hillel’s “Online Alumni Association” is pleased that these “idol” teachers are back at Hillel. A spokesman reports that some may have been fired rightfully, others were not…and then there are others for whom nobody fought, as rumors say they are not connected enough…but who cares? The online game has been won. It was fun, was it not? What will the alumni do now with their time?
Some reports confirm that other key teachers will be leaving Hillel of their own volition. This is unheard of! Can there be life after Hillel?
A message from the Board: the present crisis has been resolved and we are now officially a school of excellence, as stipulated in our “Blueprint for Excellence” memo. Please disregard other communications about problems at Hillel.
The Head of school and Associate Head of school report that a very successful meeting took place with the high school faculty last week. No questions, concerns or complaints were raised. The meeting lasted 3 minutes and 36 seconds and the Board is now notified that everything is back to normal at Hillel.
The matter of the headmaster’s credentials is still under investigation. A spokeswoman for the Board said: “He may not be a Doctor, but, oh, he looks and talks like one.” Well, that surely satisfies us.
Attention Hillel teachers: You may be next. Keep your lesson-plans up to date, smile whenever you can, be positive about the future. Don’t talk to strangers. Say yes yes yes. Make sure some of your students like you enough to start a website on your behalf. Giving all A’s is a good strategy. Sucking up to your supervisor is advisable….forget about taking attendance – your absent and/or tardy students have very important matters to attend to…if students do not show respect, just ignore them – it’s their parents’ fault anyways… if parents threaten you, remember our motto: the customer is always right!
“One hour Advanced Degrees”: now available! Please contact the Hillel Marketing Department for details and costs.
Hillel vacancy: looking for a Head Rabbi who is a good listener and able to support the spiritual needs of students, parents and faculty…The Rabbi will be required to report in detail what exactly he does all day…Preference will be given to a Rabbi whose family members have jobs elsewhere…
Another Hillel Vacancy: looking for a high school principal. Must be from Kansas. Preference will be given to non Jews who previously worked with Dr Mr.
Holden.
The Board is now accepting applications for Search Committee Members. Preference will be given to people who can actually read and interpret Diplomas and who are not easily influenced by good looks and British accents.
Wanted: Hillel’s old timers and founders – everyone on this website seems to think they will do a better job than the present Board and administration…If you know their whereabouts please contact Human Resources.
Alumni advisory: are you a Hillel graduate? Please keep in touch by giving us constant advise on how to run a school, who to hire, who to fire and what to teach…we count on your vast experience with running schools. Don’t worry about sending us financial support, we have plenty of that! Preference will be given to bloggers who hide behind fake names and, evidently, have nothing else to do.
Last minute: reports indicate that several Board members expressed lack of time to micro-manage the school and they will, therefore, resign their present jobs in order to join Hillel’s administration in a full-time capacity.
Another sector of the Board actually expressed interest in relinquishing power by allowing parents to elect a Board by direct vote. Election date and details will be forthcoming.
To parents: do you pay tuition? Are you interested in hearing what’s new at YOUR school? Tickets for the “State of the School Address” are only $300…act fast…almost sold out…
Just in: Adam Holden contemplating resignation…says the heat in South Florida is too much for him to bear…
5 responses so far ↓
1 anonymous // Apr 14, 2007 at 9:20 pm
I am told by staff who were there that the above description of the faculty meeting is accurate: Rabbi Drun, Adam Holden, Mr. H., and Rabbi Kaplan sat in front of a small group of the H.S. staff who had responded to the e-mail calling for a faculty meeting. Rabbi Druin delivered a dvar Torah and then asked for any questions from the high school staff. When no one said anything Rabbi Druin ended the meeting. No comments, no explanations…
2 Anonymous // Apr 14, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Shavuah Tov!
This is called RULING BY INTIMIDATION!!!
The faculty is SMART. Honestly, who would dare same something to these individuals who don’t even have the intelligence they were born with. From this point forward, the teachers will not speak up. They need their jobs. They have been intimidated. After speaking throughout the year to many of them – - I heard the same theme – - we are unable to speak up for fear of repraisal. Sounds like excellent working conditions to me. Low morale is rampant in all divisions of the school.
This is a horrendous environment for our children to learn. Make no mistake, it is our children who suffer and our teachers who are hurting.
WE MUST HELP OUR BELOVED TEACHERS – THEY ARE THE BACKBONE AND FOUNDATION OF OUR SCHOOL!!!!!
….and of all the things the initial blogger said – - the last one is the most impressive – - though it is much too good to be true!
The comment related to Hillel’s Old Timers – - is so true – - the current board does not know the 1st thing about running a school – - each individual is pursuing his/her own agenda – -from what I have heard from those connected with the school for long periods of time is that the old board possessed intelligent individuals who really understood not only the foundation upon which this very institituon was built but had the funds and knowledge to get the job done. Many did not still have children in the school which meant that whatever was done was for the greater good of the school as a whole and not their own self-serving interests.
The truth is that those individuals really knew how to run a school. Unfortunately, these people were discounted, disrespected and thrown like dirt – - they no longer support the school and it would take nothing short of a miracle for them to even want to assist again. That is a true shame as the school could desparately use their knowledge, expertise, assistance and support.
Wonder what will be next.
The fact that these teachers have been rehired and Rabbi Kaplan is the interim principal is an obvious smoke screen to cloud the continued unraveling of the school. There are others who were not renewed who should be – - Rabbi Elbaz is one of them.
This is calling to all parents, alumni, students, and faculty – - do not let this one action cloud the bigger issues.
Dr/Mr. Holden’s goal is to trim the budget – - meaning more jobs are on the line. His leadership (if you want to call it that) has given Hillel a bad name/ a black eye. This school is the laughing stock of the community.
What does Rabbi Druin do anyway? No one seems to know and even worse – - No one has ever heard anyone – parents/teachers/students ever say a kind word about him. Why do we keep such an individual on payroll – - when there is little to NO value in his presence. No disrespect is meant – - He is a Rabbi – - perhaps just NOT a good fit for our school and community. Perhaps his contract should not be renewed!!!!!!
I encourage others to continue to voice their opinions and make their voices heard – - -loud and clear! If not for yourselves – - -speak up for your children as they are our future!!!! Speak up for our teachers – — without their teaching and knowledge society would be illiterate!
Together we can make a difference!
3 Concerned Citizen // Apr 15, 2007 at 12:15 am
HOW DO PARENTS ALLOW IT TO COME TO THIS?????????
PARENTS, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU WHEN YOUR KIDS AND TEACHERS NEED YOU
WAKE UP!!
AND DO SOMETHING FAST
YOU WILL SOON HAVE NO GOOD TEACHERS LEFT
MOST OF THEM ARE GONE ALREADY AND SOON THE REST WILL MOST PROBABLY LEAVE TOO (How can any teacher want to remain in such a toxic environment?)
(This satire is scarily accurate.
Brilliant!!! I would love to hear what the writer suggests we do because I’m out of ideas now.)
I even enjoy reading the parody of myself
4 Aaron // Apr 15, 2007 at 11:32 am
You’re on the right track- We must focus on Holden. Remember, at the end of the day, Holden did ONE right thing: he removed the board for the day-to-day operations of the school.
Any dean (or headmaster or head-of-school) cannot do what needs to be done with their hands tied by the board.
We all know that there are certain board members who have used their positions to terrorize teachers and protect their children (at the expense of other children and educational standards). Thanks to Holden, that particular power is, if not gone, at least weakened. That is a VERY GOOD thing.
We shouldn’t be surprised that Holden would bring someone in from Kansas to run the High School because even if this new person does not have the proper talents (or proper ethnicity) for Hillel, this person brings something to Hillel that Holden needs more than anything else: LOYALTY TO ADAM HOLDEN.
Research must be done. Who is this new high school principal? What do those in Kansas think of him? How brown is his nose?
What can be done to make Rabbi Kaplan’s interim position more permanent?
This is a long fight. We must find a way to discredit and isolate Holden so that if he is not removed, he is at least made as irrelevant as possible. At the same time, we must not return the power to the board so that, after two years (I believe he has two more years left on his contract) whoever replaces him will have the power to run the school in an effective and proper fashion.
5 Anonymous // Apr 17, 2007 at 5:25 am
I like this post…the only thing I have to say is that your advice to giving all A´s is not right. I sure as hell did not get an A in galitzers class…but I worked my butt off and thats what she saw. I learned a LOT even though I didn´t get an A.
Shes a good teacher, and thats why students were in such protest, not because she gave us all A´s…but because she made us want to study. We were rewarded for our grades plus our efforts and passion of whatever level to the subject. Thats why shes amazing. (the same goes to Heber, but her tests werent as hard, even though we learned a ton).